If you recall from last week’s post, this very nice woman walking with her dog and boyfriend took pity on me at Taughannock Falls here in Ithaca, when I fell apart and cried because she said “hi.”
We’ve since committed to being each other’s maids of honor when the time comes.
Of course, I’m kidding but barely. We did end up having dinner and for the first time in a long time, I hung out with someone who didn’t make me inwardly cringe and surreptitiously check my phone to see if I had put in the appropriate amount of time in exchange for dinner.
In fact, as it turns out, she and I have an incredible amount in common, from being the only person of color in our respective families to the fact that one does not eat vanilla soft serve without rainbow sprinkles.
In fact, if it hadn’t been a weeknight, I may have stayed at her place a little longer. As it was, I left at 10 pm, about an hour and a half beyond my designated weeknight (every night) bedtime.
Let me tell you why I seem surprised I had such a good time.
But first, a picture of me when I’m not socializing.
We all love to say “you teach people how to treat you,” and while that has some truth to it, who are we saying that to? I know I’ve said it to others while at the same time, teaching people to treat me as inadequate, diminished, and invisible.
So when I learned that my new friend has advanced degrees and has traveled the world, I and my associate degree felt, for lack of a better term, not good enough.
And we hadn’t even had dinner yet. Yes, I did some advanced reconnaissance with the little information I had and you would too.
So I expected to feel incredibly uncomfortable in my inadequacy. But I decided to teach her how to treat me. As it turned out, I didn’t have to.
Instead, I was so at ease that it was disconcerting. (I’m never happy). I just don’t like a lot of people, especially those I teach to judge me, and my new friend is genuine, down-to-earth, funny, and beautiful, inside and out.
She made me feel like I was all those things too.
I taught her that.
Sincerely writing,
Zoey
Photo by Roxanne Minnish from Pexels